I have a dilemma. Brayden will turn 5, 6 weeks before the kindergarten cut-off date. Do we start him this year or wait?
We have been going along this whole year with the intention of enrolling him to start. However we had his 4 yr old check up last week (yes, it's a bit late) and the pediatrician seemed surprised. He said he usually recommends that children that turn 5 after June should wait...especially boys. So, now that this kink has been thrown into our plan, I'm struggling daily with the decision. The Dr. made some very good points and when I weigh the pro's and con's, waiting definetly wins. I've done a lot of internet research and have found great arguments for both. Based on most of the info I found...
If he starts now, he will always be the little kid, the young one, the follower. He will be 5 the entire time he is in kindergarten, where as most others will have turned 6 sometime in the year. As for athletics in his future, he will usually be the smallest on the team.
If we wait, he will be taller than most of the kids, the older one, the leader. He will be 6 the entire time he is in kindergarten, right along with most of the other kid's in his class. As for athletics, he will most likely be the bigger kid on the team.
If we decide to start him now, we take the chance that maybe he isn’t ready and that it’s a struggle for a year and then he has to redo kindergarten.
If we decide to wait, then we have to find a new preschool program for him. We love the place he is at now as for being safe & nurturing, but they just don’t teach them anything. Well they try, but here is the issue with that. They have 3 “circle times” a day. These are the times where actual skills are learned. (writing, word recognition, etc) They cannot force a child to attend circle time though, they are given a choice. If you were 4 would you choose “sit and listen” or “run wild and play”? Exactly. Half the time he says that they didn’t have circle time that day because none of the kids wanted to. Who’s running this show?? I have spoken to 2 other centers and they say that, yes it is true that circle time cannot be forced, however both also said that they very seldom have a child that does not want to attend. Do I keep him where I know he is definetly loved and cared but not necessarily learning anything or do I try to find him a better learning environment and hope that he is cared for just a well? (the pre-k program I am looking into is highly recommended)
As for Brayden, I don’t really think he cares. He’s been really excited about starting kindergarten, but I mentioned maybe “Pre-K” instead and he gets excited about that. He doesn’t know that pre-k is just my term for “a new preschool”. Most of the kids in his current class are leaving to start Kindergarten, so he fine knowing that he will leave too. We have 8 K-5 schools, so he’s already prepared for the fact that he probably won’t be going to school with any of his current classmates. The new preschool is actually inside the high school, so he will get to go to a “big school” too.
I’ve gone back and forth on this for a week and it’s driving me insane. I need opinions from moms who have already been there. Please!!
By the way, according to the kindergarten readiness check list, he meets or exceeds every single learning skill that he must have to attend. It's the socially and behaviorally ready that I'm concerned about. Naturally he is going to be less mature than anyone else in his class.
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This is a tough one. Here the cutoff for the school deadline is on or before September 1st. My DD's b-day is on September 1st. I had many sleepless nights trying to decide if we should hang onto her another year. We finally made the decision to put her in when she was four turning five. I have NEVER once regretted it. She loves kindergarten and she is thriving (reading ENTIRE Junie B. Jones books, and getting them, math, fractions, etc). I know that "they" say that boys are developmentally behind girls, but I think that depends soley on the child. If she is one of the small ones (right now she is smack dab in the middle) then it's okay because we still have society's stigma that being small and being a girl are okay. I do think that had she been a boy, I would have held her back one year. There are some boys in her class who's birthdays are in July and August and the one in August should have waited a year while the one in July is thriving just like Amelia. I dated a boy with the same birthday as her, and he was grateful that his parents waited a year to enroll him in school.
I think that on this one, you ultimately need to trust your gut. I wish I could be more help.
Thank you for the insight. The Dr. did say if it was a girl he would go ahead and recommened sending her. I'm just afraid of making the wrong decision. I will ultimatley go with my gut, but my guts just confused right now. :)
Hi, skipped over from Rocks in my Dryer. Some background, I homeschool my own kids, but I had an October birthday and went to private Kidnergarten so I ended up a year ahead. Looking back I realize I was not where the other kids were maturity wise, and that makes a difference. and because I ended up in Honors classes too, I was really more like 2 years ahead. I think I was absolutely smart enough to be there, but I struggled much more than the other kids. Looking at your post I really don't see any disadvantage to waiting, other than finding a new preschool.
Hope this helps!
I have NOT gone through this, but from what I've heard, boys tend to mature later than girls and so there's a social issue to consider. I'd probably be prone to wait.
From what you've shared, I would half to agree with the waiting a year. I would get him into a preschool you feel more comfortable about, though. Many of the parents in our area are holding their boys back a year even if their birthdays aren't close to the deadline, just so they will be bigger and do better in sports! THAT is crazy!
i had the same concerns about my daughter. her birthday is in august. i decided to homeschool and it has been great. don't know if that's something you've even considered but i thought i'd share it.
It looks like a consensus from reading the comments.
I'll add my experience too if it can help at all. I have 3 boys - all born Jan & Feb. The cut-off was for March 1st. So... this made all 3 of my boys potentially the youngest ones in the class.
My first two I held off till the year they were turning 6 ... I had heard boys did not do as well as girls, socially etc. They have done very well with few struggles.
My third child, I experimented on him, I sent him that year earlier. He did not do well (partially maybe due to a poor quality teacher his first year in Kindergarted?)... in the end I held him back for a 2nd year of kindergarten and it was a very good move for him. He has moved forward since and I'm certain if I hadn't held him back in Kindergarten he'd have needed it in eitehr grade 1 or 2.
The one thing I remember with clarity from my Educational Psychology class is Dr. Wheeler (dean of education) saying "The best decision I ever made with my boys was to hold them back a year."
And so-- I've held all of my 5 of children back a year. I homeschool in the early years, but eventually, we put them in the public school. (I just posted about this last night.)
It really can't hurt, and it's better to do it now. Like you said, he could care less if he goes to Pre-K or K. That won't be the case when he's in the 3rd grade and you decide that he really needs to be held back a year.
Of course, you could just do two years of Kindergarten. (Just switch teachers so he gets a slightly different experience.)
Linked here from Rocks in my Dryer...hello and nice to meet you! Just wanted to say, my daughter's bday is ON the cutoff date in our state so we waited the extra year. Never regretted it for a second. We did lots of research and even had her tested by a "kindergarten readiness" assessment before making a final decision. In their opinion, despite the fact that she was quite ready developmentally (fine motor, gross motor, comprehension, early reading/writing skills), they consider the "emotional/social" area (where she was immature) to be even more important. Consider your child's personality; an extroverted child with social maturity will do better as the youngest in his class than an introverted, more shy child. My daughter has blossomed more than I ever imagined she would and I think it's because she had that extra year to get comfortable in her own skin before starting the big world of school. Best wishes as you work through this decision. :)
Thank you all for coming by and giving me all of this great advice. It is so good to hear from other mom's who have been in the same situation. We are definetly leaning towards waiting, especially after all of the comments. I'll keep everyone posted.
Hi. I came over from Rocks in My Dryer. This issue is close to my heart as my youngest was 5 days from the cut off date. For 4 months she was actually 4 years old in kindergarten. We felt pressure to put her in. In my area more & more people seemed to not wait but put kids in as soon as they could. My little one had FUN in kindergarten but had struggles with some of the WORK. By the end of the year we were having the debate of should we repeat kindergarten or send her on to grade 1. We buckled to the pressure, we didn't want her to be the biggest kid in class. She was already the second tallest. We sent her on. She's now in grade 6 and struggling. It's not that she can't do the work but a lot of the maturity that is needed in grades as you go up blocks her. Maturity to focus, to process, the accomplish. She eventually gets it but it just seems it takes so much more work on her part than the kids who are a year older.
I wish we would have went with our guts and held her back a year and put her in preK for the first year instead. Maybe it would be that much easier for her now. If he can go to another pre -K and he thinks that's great and that he's doing the same as the others, I think that is better than having him repeat kindergarten where it might have to be in the same school.
And as for the preK story, I don't get why the teachers allow the children the choice. I have a dayhome and while I don't force the kids to participate when we're doing a certain group activity I just tell them it's this time and they need to come over to where we are. All other centres are closed. The child does not have to do the project, song, etc. but they must be there with us otherwise it's just chaos. It's not good for the ones who are wanting to learn either to have other's running around doing their own thing. When they get to Kindergarten they will be in for a major shock & so will the teacher as her time will go into discipline rather than teaching.
I hope this helps. You know your child best. Sometimes you just need to stop the debate in your mind and go with your gut!
Susanne, thanks so much for your insight. It will definetly help me in my decision.
Hi Traci. I came from Rocks in my Dryer too.
My kids are 12 and 8 and based on my experience and what I have seen through the years, I would wait a year. My son's birthday is in October and I was soooo glad to not have had a choice. There are all kinds of benefits to being a little old for your grade. Every boy I know that started kindergarten on the young side ended up repeating either kindergarten or first grade. Which is not a bad thing--but why go through that pain if you can just delay the start of kindergarten?
In our society, we tend to insist that our kids grow up faster than is really necessary. What's the rush? Let them be little for as long as possible. Look at it this way--if you hold off you are one year farther away from homework and book reports!
To encourage you--no matter what anyone else says or how many opinions are thrown at you--you will make the right decision for your son and your family. Listen to your heart and be confident that you are his mom for a reason and will make the best decision you can. Best of luck!
What is your "gut" feeling? Parents generally know if their child is ready for school. That being said, we held our son back (birthday in August and the cut-off was September 1). We are so glad that we did. He needed that extra year each grade level along the way. Our "guts" knew that--so it wasn't a huge decision.
Sometimes parents are anxious because they don't want to suggest that their child couldn't handle school. Our deciding point was--how much did we want our child to struggle in school. There are natural struggles to face--and being a little immature only compounds the dilemma's.
Yes, he was the tallest in the class--which set him up as a leader. This is a good characteristic. He was more physically prepared for sports.
God Bless you as you make this decision. Just follow what your instincts tell you about your child.
diane
hi..i'm a little late on this but..it never stopped me before. haha my youngest just made the sept 1 cutoff, he is aug 26. he is in 2nd grade now. i wish i had waited a year. he went to 3 and 4 yr old preschool, and all his teachers always said he was ready, but it is the 3rd quarter of the year until he is not behind alot of the class. i have said time and time again that i wish i had held him home an extra year. even though he knows the work, his maturity is not there. it is a tough decision...good luck
Sorry, just now getting around to leaving my own comment here!
My oldest son is a late June birthday. He was--and is--quite far ahead academically, but socially he was right on target, or even a little behind. We agonized over holding him out a year--people kept telling us he'd be "bored". But that did NOT happen. He has thrived being the oldest in his class, and have never regretted our decision for a moment. He is finishing up second grade now, and we are still reaping the benefits of that decision.
Most early childhood people will tell you that at those young ages, social development is more critical than academic, so I'd definitely consider that when making a decision.
Another thing to consider is that most states now require that children who are "ahead" academically be given "accelerated" opportunities. For example, my 2nd grader has done a 3rd grade reading curriculum for much of the year.
Homeschooling is a wonderful option, and I deeply respect the people who choose it (and we may yet do it one day), but don't be "scared off" from public schools. I know it depends on where you live, but we have had an outstanding experience in our public schools.
E-mail me if you have any more questions. I remember sweating bullets over this decision, and I'd be glad to be a sounding board.
Oh, and I just thought of one more thing--
I have heard many, many parents who did NOT hold their child out say they regretted it. But every parent I've talked to who held out their child has been thrilled with the decision. Food for thought.
I have a daughter whose birthday is one month before the cut off date, I sent her she was certainly smart enough, the problem that I ran into was that socially she was well behind the other kids. It took her til this year 3rd grade to actually start to fit in. With my son his birthday is in June I decided to wait cause of what happened with my daughter I am so glad that I waited he is such a different boy now then he was then.
I feel that you have to make the best decision for your child but I will tell you my situation. My son's Birthday is on August 19th so just before the Sept 1st cut-off, so this time last year I was struggling with the same thing. I asked everyone else for their opinion and found that everyone who had a boy either held him back or wished they did. I asked everyone who would listen and only found one who said otherwise. I was leaning towards holding him back anyway, (selfish reasons: he's my baby and I wanted to be home with him one more year) So, I found a kindergarten in my area that offered half day. He went 5 days 9-12. It was great, it got him prepared to go all 5 days but we still got to have lunch together everyday and have the afternoon together. Then this year I moved him to BIG kindergarten to the school that he will continue at. I would much rather do it this way then have to hold him back later and have all off his friends move on. That would hurt his self confidence. I can honestly say it was the best thing for him. He has grown and matured so much over this past year. His once 3 year old preschool teacher now works at the school he attends this year and she says he is a different kid then the one she had in class 3 years ago. Not as shy and much more confident in himself. I was also surprised to see that almost every child in his class started a year later even ones that will be turning 7 this spring. I think it's very much the norm these days to start them later. They are only little for a very short time and then have so long in school as it is. Anyway, that's just my sitituation - I hope that helps in making your decision.
Are you still taking opinions on this? :)
Something to consider...
My daughter was born in February. Would you believe she was one of the youngest in her class? With the trend going towards waiting, usually the youngest in the class have May, or even April, birthdays. If your area is following that trend, that will make him even younger than the rest of the children in his class.
My children's kindergarten teacher called it "the gift of time". I think that's a lovely way of looking at it. Children grow up so quickly. What's the hurry?
Another option, though, would be to put him in a private kindergarten rather than pre-k. You would probably know by the end of the year if he was ready for 1st grade. If so, put him there. If not, enroll him in your public school kindergarten.
Hi, Traci! I found your blog while I was searching for opinions on the same topic. My daughter will be 5 on August 8, and in our area the cut-off for public school is September 30. Since she'll make the cutoff by 7 weeks, we've just always sort of assumed that she would go...it's almost like I felt I didn't really have a choice. However, the closer it gets, the more I've had my qualms about sending her this year. I've talked to her pre-school teacher and some other friends in education who know her, and they've all looked at me like I'm crazy for even considering keeping her home one more year. She is smart, she does well in pre-school, and she's excited about going to kindergarten (which, unfortunately, we've all talked about all year so she definitely thinks she's going!) However, as her mother, I just have this weird feeling about her being the youngest in her class. It's not so much that I think she won't be able to do it...it's more that I am sort of imagining her future and what it will be like as one of the very youngest in her class FOREVER. It just really seems to me that these days, the majority of kids are not going to school until they are already 6, or very near it. I think she is a little immature, but she seems to get along fine with all of her classmates, and again, her teacher never shows any concern for her maturity level. My mind is not 100% made up yet either, but I really believe that you and I are in the same place on this. I'm really leaning toward waiting one more year to send her, but because we've just always assumed she'd go when as she's turning 5, it's kind of like we're having to shift our whole mindset about it. I've been mulling this over quietly to myself for several weeks, and I finally broke the news to my husband last night. To my surprise, he said he thought I was the one who had always planned on her going to kindergarten this year, and he's always been a bit on the fence over it because he thinks some more maturing will only help her. When I mentioned my thoughts to my sister, she said that kids only have one childhood, and she thinks that there is absolutely no need to rush them if they fall close to a cut-off line. Sorry to ramble, but this whole topic is so near to my heart and consuming my mind right now (especially with fall registration looming!) that I really wanted to comment. Good luck with your decision, and please post how your decision is coming along. Thanks so much!
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